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Living Ephesians 5: Wives, Respect your Husband



Nancy C. Anderson



My
husband, Ron, admits that he used to be jerk, but I discovered a secret
formula that turned him into a loving husband: I started treating him
like a VIP. Ron always wanted me to respect him, but I thought he had
to earn it and I had to feel it, before I could do it. Wrong.

We
women are very good at pointing out our husbands' faults and failures
and punishing them for not meeting our needs, but that only leads to
discontent and distance in our marriages. We all know that yelling,
nagging, and belittling are disrespectful and ineffective. So I'm
suggesting a radical concept: Treat him like a king, and eventually, he
will begin to treat you like a queen.

Instead of waiting for him earn your respect, behave respectfully and watch him grow into the man God designed him to be.

Twenty
five years ago, our marriage was on the brink of divorce. I was
controlling, critical and disrespectful so Ron was defensive and angry.
We were both Christians but neither of us was living a sprit-filled
life. I was letting my emotions determine my actions and thought it was
Ron's job to make me happy. But through a series of miracles (read my
book for the whole story) we made a decision to rebuild our marriage.

We
went to a Christian counselor who read Ephesians 5:33 "Nevertheless let
each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" and said "Nancy, the only way you will win Ron back and stay married is if you begin to respect your husband."

I
knew he was right so I swallowed hard and came up with a plan. Here are
three of the ways I began to respect Ron: They are easy to remember
because they spell out the goal -- to treat him like a V.I.P.

Respect him Verbally, Intellectually, and Physically.

Verbally

Cut out (ok...cut back) complaining and add in compliments.

If
you want to have a peaceful, happy marriage, learn the art of the
compliment. Compliments are like magnets and the more you compliment
your husband the more he will be attracted to you. Begin to notice when
he does it right and verbally encourage him by complimenting him at
least once a day. If you are having a hard time thinking of anything to
admire, consider these categories: physical traits, mental skills,
financial strengths, spiritual growth, or healthy relationships with
others (children, parents, or friends).

You may be asking
"Hey, why should I compliment him when he NEVER compliments me?"
Because, if you want your marriage to grow and bloom, you'll have to
water it with kindness and encouragement. Then, as he sees your sincere
efforts, he will begin to change too. Don't give up.

If you do
need to bring up a difficult issue, place it between two compliments,
also known as a "Compliment Sandwich." Here's an example, "Honey, I
know how hard you work for our money and that Sally's braces will be
expensive, but I need your decision before her appointment tomorrow. I
hope we can do this for her, but if you want to wait, I trust your
judgment. What should I tell the orthodontist? "

Intellectually

Men
like to solve problems and fix things. So appeal to his intelligence by
asking him to help you solve a problem. Instead of saying "This garage
is a mess, clean up your camping stuff!" Try, "I'd like your help with
something. Could you figure out a storage system for all the camping
supplies?"

Don't imply that he isn't smart. Instead of saying "I
think you are wrong about..." Say, "I'm confused about...please explain
it again" (Remember to keep your tone of voice sarcasm-free.)

Request
his help on Spiritual matters too. Ask him to explain a passage of
Scripture or ask him to pray for you when you are going through a
difficult time. If your husband is not the spiritual leader in your
home, continue to pray for him and ask him if there is anything you are
doing that is hindering his relationship with God.

Men don't
give a lot of weight to feelings -- show them facts and they'll be more
likely to listen. For example: if he wants to buy a car that you think
is too expensive, don't launch into a hissy-fit, write out your monthly
expenses and ask him what other things should be cut out in order to
buy his car. Let the facts speak for you.

When you cannot reach
an agreement, instead of trying to wear him down by nagging or crying
say, "Is that your final decision or can I still try to convince you?"
If it's his final decision, then honor it. It's freeing -- let him
carry the responsibility of your family.

Physically

Physically
-- ask what he would like you to do and then, do it. Find out what his
top three needs are. Ron likes the laundry done, physical intimacy a
least twice a week (guaranteed) and he likes me to keep my
"girly-make-up stuff" off of the bathroom counter. If these top needs
are met, he's content and easy to get along with. I know it sounds
simple, but each of us have different things that make us feel loved
and appreciated. You won't know what he wants unless you ask him.

Be
aware of your body language. You can communicate disrespect by rolling
your eyes, crossing your arms, or slamming doors. Reflect your new
decision to respect your husband in your heart, mind, and body.

Change your attitude and actions

Respect
is both a verb and a noun: an action and an attitude so begin today to
respect your husband in thought, word, and deed. He will be more
willing and able to give you the love and affection you need if he is
respected and admired. When I began to respect my husband, he was
skeptical at first. However as he saw that I was committed to change,
he began to treat me differently -- lovingly. We now teach at couples'
events, helping others discover the blessings of true love in action.

Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you obey His word.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Focusing on Christ 24/7.

How do we do that?
I read long ago, that Mary was chosen to be the Mother of God because she prayed non-stop on her knees to our Father from a small child. So much so, that her knees bled daily and she wore holes in the floor where she bowed before Him. I also read this of Saint James. And recently heard it being preached.

I, am not so. Ashamedly so. I have a chair I go to. What is my excuse? I had knee surgery many moons ago on both knees. And my legs fall asleep consistently. That is NO excuse! No it is not!

I do not feel worthy enough to have opened a forum site for Christ, though I feel He led me to do so. I used to pray before I did anything here...now...I am lazy. Backsliden in how I run things here.

Lord, touch my heart so much so that I will become as the stories say. Teach me that the tiles will not hold me back and that the pain will mean nothing in comparison with my time with YOU!

You are my Lord! I will lift You up where ever I go. Teach me silence with my tongue when I see things that offend US. And forgive my moment by moment sins. Turn Your face from them, and to my trying. Amen