OOOH Cleaning Lady....

The Cleaning Woman





There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at
the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member. The pastor listened as she told
him how she had accepted Jesus and wanted to be baptized and become a member of the church.




The pastor thought to himself, "oh my, she is so unkempt, even smells a little, and her fingernails are
not clean. She picks up garbage, cleans toilets - what would the members think of her." He told her that
she needed to go home and pray about it and then decide.



The following week, here she came again. She told the pastor that she had prayed about it and still
wanted to be baptized. "I have passed this church for so long. It is so beautiful, and I truly want to
become a member."



Again the pastor told her to go home and pray some more. A few weeks later while out eating at the
restaurant, the pastor saw the little old lady. He did not want her to think that he was ignoring her so he
approached her and said, "I have not seen you for a while. Is everything all right?"



"Oh, yes," she said. "I talked with Jesus, and he told me not to worry about becoming a member of
your church."



"He did?" said the pastor.



"Oh, yes" she replied. "He said even He hasn't been able to get into your church yet, and He's been
trying for years."

Remarkable Parrot



Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.

They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."



The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."



The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible.

Now she can't see very well.

So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible.

It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him.

Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."



Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.



"Milton," she said, "the house you built is so huge.

I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.



"Gerald," she said, "I am too old to travel.

I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes.

And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"



"But Donald," she said, "the little chicken you sent was delicious!"

The Dead Church




A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the
members, inviting them to come to his first services.



The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local
newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent
Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.



Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed
coffin, smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his
congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.



Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people eagerly
lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a
guilty, sheepish look.



In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.